So, it was summer. It was around 35C outside, and the kids were on summer vacation. In the magical world of Korea, vacation for kids means that they actually get to spend 30 or so hours a week in a hagwon and the teachers at said hagwon get to teach an additional 10 hours each week for the duration of the "summer vacation." This was not a pleasant time.
To begin, it was fucking hot and humid. I've had hot summers before, but never as unpleasant as in Korea. In my home town, it sometimes went above 100F or 38C, but it was dry. I had always heard "It isn't the heat, it's the humidity." Now I know why. If you're in a hot and dry place, you sweat. The sweat evaporates and cools you because evaporation is an endothermic process meaning energy is taken from the surrounding area and put into the reaction. Not only does the sweat evaporating make you feel cooler, but you don't feel disgusting the entire day. My first year, I took about 5 showers a day during the summer.
So, the weather was awful and I was teaching tons of classes. I noticed in my home that even though I had the ac set on the coldest temperature, my apartment still felt like a sauna and I could actually see vapor condensing on the walls. I played around with the remote a bit, and finally I go up in front of the ac and feel the stream of air. The unit has a green light and says 18degrees on it, but the air being blown was room temperature. I ask my boss to get it fixed, and he "calls someone to fix it." He tells me the next day that someone went over to take a look at it and it works fine. I just need to make sure I set it on a cold temperature.
I'm skeptical, but I go home and check it. It's still doing the same thing. I go downstairs to my Canadian coworker's apartment and ask if I can take a look at his air conditioner. He says "yeah no problem." I step inside, and his apartment is a lovely, cool and refreshing 20 degrees. I ask how he turned his ac on, and he tells me he hit the power button and turned the temperature down to 20. So, my ac was certainly broken. I asked my boss about it again, he sends someone to take a look at it, and I get the same story. I say "Fuck it" and I buy a couple electric fans and bring my room down to a tolerable temperature.
Speaking of really hot rooms, the classes in the hagwon weren't much better. So, I'm teaching eight or nine classes a day, and I'm basting in my own sweat. I had a passive aggressive battle of wills with the vp of the school that summer. I would walk into a classroom, and it would be horribly hot. I'd go to the lobby and turn on the ac. I'd teach for a while in comfort until the ac was turned off, and then I'd go out again to turn it back on. After a few weeks of this, I won and the ac remained on. I can handle heat and even humidity, but if I'm in a classroom which is 10square feet or 3square meters, with ten kids and no windows, it gets a bit stuffy.
Anyhoo, the summer was hot. I was teaching a ton of classes. I also had to do phone teaching which is where you call every one of your students from home after you've finished teaching. I also had progress reports for a total of 95 students, and at the end of the intensives, we had to come in on a Saturday to do open classes with kindergarten classes.(More on this later.)
One nice perk about this job was that they bought a small dinner for us every day since we were all there in the afternoon and early evening and we didn't have time to run out and grab something to eat. It was usually pizza, toast, mandu or kimbap. One day in the middle of the intensives, the supervisor tells us that there's no pizza today because the director is bringing in a special treat. So, I wait around for a little bit, and in walks the director with apples. I was teaching from 9:30 to 8:00 with one twenty minute break, and my dinner was an apple.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
A quick jump to today before the tale continues
While I have been mostly covering my first year in Korea and slowly working towards the present, I had an odd experience today which I feel needs to be written down before I forget it.
I've had students say and do horribly inappropriate things many times throughout my "career." Today, however, was truly bizarre. A nine year old gyopo boy asked me today if it's true that grenades are filled with "dick balls."
I've had students say and do horribly inappropriate things many times throughout my "career." Today, however, was truly bizarre. A nine year old gyopo boy asked me today if it's true that grenades are filled with "dick balls."
Friday, December 11, 2009
Mud Festival
During my first summer in Korea, I went to the infamous mud festival with a few coworkers. I went with Gary, the savage Scott. Harriet, the Ukaninan, her boyfriend Houtan, and Ricky, my Korean co-teacher. We were foolish and went with adventure Korea and spent way too much for a bus and a hotel. As I mentioned before, I'm terrible at going to sleep before I have to wake up early for something, so I had no sleep the night before this adventure.
Early in the morning, we get on the bus near Hongdae. We were on the bus either sleeping or chatting and having a relatively good time. No one was sitting next to Gary, so he was able to nap for a good portion of the trip. A few seats behind us was an odd, dimwitted Aussie by the name of Mr. Bean. He was regaling anyone near him with tales of being fired six times in one year as well as telling horrible jokes. We stop at a rest stop, and Gary gets out to grab a bite to eat. Mr. Bean moves up to take the open seat next to Gary. Gary walks in to the bus and sees Mr. Bean and shakes his head with a look of shock and disbelief. The bus goes on its way and Mr. Bean begins telling Gary his life story. He then tells such wonderful jokes as "Did you hear about the new Cemetary? It's in the dead center of town."
We get to the festival and check into our hotel. I stay behind to try and sleep, and the rest of the group goes to some mud fight event. Mr. Bean was there, and Gary took the opportunity to shove mud inside his ear. We didn't hear from Mr. Bean after that. The rest of the day was alright. I went swimming, did a couple of mud related things and had an alright time. That evening we had some samgyeopsal and a few drinks, and I passed out at around 11.
The next morning I wake up, and Houtan comes in and says hello to me and Harriet. Harriet tells him that she doesn't want to speak to him. We were both a little confused. I went outside with Houtan and had a smoke. He asks me if he did anything last night, and I told him I passed out at and have no idea what happened.
Later I hear that he blacked out, tried to start fights with everyone at the event, punched a hole in the wall at the hotel and tried to take a taxi back to Seoul. Good times. The rest of the day was a little weird. We checked out of our hotel and had to wait a few hours for the bus. Then, a terrible thing happened. I had to shit. I wander around the town looking for a restroom. Finally, I find a public one several blocks away from the beach. I walk in and it smells terrible. There are flies and bees hovering around, and I step into a stall. It was a hole in the ground. This wouldn't be so bad, but the condition of this one was frightening. It was filled with diarrhea and water which were not just in the toilet, but all over the floor surrounding the toilet. I was wearing sandals. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant experience.
We get back on the bus and head home.
Early in the morning, we get on the bus near Hongdae. We were on the bus either sleeping or chatting and having a relatively good time. No one was sitting next to Gary, so he was able to nap for a good portion of the trip. A few seats behind us was an odd, dimwitted Aussie by the name of Mr. Bean. He was regaling anyone near him with tales of being fired six times in one year as well as telling horrible jokes. We stop at a rest stop, and Gary gets out to grab a bite to eat. Mr. Bean moves up to take the open seat next to Gary. Gary walks in to the bus and sees Mr. Bean and shakes his head with a look of shock and disbelief. The bus goes on its way and Mr. Bean begins telling Gary his life story. He then tells such wonderful jokes as "Did you hear about the new Cemetary? It's in the dead center of town."
We get to the festival and check into our hotel. I stay behind to try and sleep, and the rest of the group goes to some mud fight event. Mr. Bean was there, and Gary took the opportunity to shove mud inside his ear. We didn't hear from Mr. Bean after that. The rest of the day was alright. I went swimming, did a couple of mud related things and had an alright time. That evening we had some samgyeopsal and a few drinks, and I passed out at around 11.
The next morning I wake up, and Houtan comes in and says hello to me and Harriet. Harriet tells him that she doesn't want to speak to him. We were both a little confused. I went outside with Houtan and had a smoke. He asks me if he did anything last night, and I told him I passed out at and have no idea what happened.
Later I hear that he blacked out, tried to start fights with everyone at the event, punched a hole in the wall at the hotel and tried to take a taxi back to Seoul. Good times. The rest of the day was a little weird. We checked out of our hotel and had to wait a few hours for the bus. Then, a terrible thing happened. I had to shit. I wander around the town looking for a restroom. Finally, I find a public one several blocks away from the beach. I walk in and it smells terrible. There are flies and bees hovering around, and I step into a stall. It was a hole in the ground. This wouldn't be so bad, but the condition of this one was frightening. It was filled with diarrhea and water which were not just in the toilet, but all over the floor surrounding the toilet. I was wearing sandals. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant experience.
We get back on the bus and head home.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wedding part 2
*Times are not accurate in this post. I don't recall the exact times of my flight and do not feel like converting everything between EST and Korean time.
At the beginning of the summer intensive session which I will cover in more detail later, my sister was married. I knew about the wedding before starting and had cleared the dates before working at wonderland. When the time for my departure drew near, I approached the supervisor and reminded her that I would be taking a friday and monday off for the wedding in July. She became very worried because that was during intensives and suggested I fly out on friday night, appear in New York on Saturday and fly back after the wedding had concluded. She had done all of the math and time conversions correctly, and I would be able to leave directly from work, land in New York, attend the wedding and fly directly back and start working the next monday, but I wasn't up for it. At some point between friday night and monday morning, I would need to sleep and shower, but this wasn't important. She suggested that it wasn't important that I was there for a lot of time since I wasn't the one getting married.
I convinced her that it was important to me, and that I needed time to see my family, so she hesitantly agreed. Nonetheless, the trip felt like the suggested one. On friday morning, my flight left at about 6am. I'm not a person who is good at going to bed early if I have an early appointment, so I figured instead of falling asleep around 2 or 3, waking up at 4 and feeling terrible, I'd just stay up and sleep on the plane. I got to the airport and checked in without any problems.
The plane I rode was a joke. You know those tiny planes you take when you're flying from a big airport to a tiny one about an hour away with no room for either you or your bags? This was one of those planes, except it was a 12 or so hour long flight. I was foolish and didn't make any special requests for my seat and was stuck in the middle between two people who hadn't bathed in several days. I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep, and I finished my book after the first three hours of the flight. I was cut off after two drinks, and they played one movie about a young troubled girl who learns about life and responsibility by training and protecting a wild horse, and the rest of the flight they played golf coverage.
Finally, after the worst flight I have ever been on, I arrived in Los Angelas for a three hour layover. This wasn't too bad. They at least had a smoking area past the security gate. I don't mind not having one past the security gate, but if all of your restaurants, book stores or any other thing to occupy you during a layover are past the security gate, this becomes a huge annoyance. I later arrived at New York at 5:00 am New York time a total of 14 hours after I had first taken off from Incheon. I took a taxi to the hotel where my family was staying and got there around 6:30 or 7:00. Since I had woken up at 7 on thursday in Seoul, and didn't sleep the night before my flight, that makes a total of around 39 hours without sleep. I went out to breakfast with my family, had to go buy some new shoes because the ones I bought in Korea were a bit small to begin with and the feet swelling that occurs after a long flight made my shoes unwearable. I tried to catch a nap, but it just wasn't happening since I was sharing a hotel room with a few other people and everyone was in and out all day. I went to the rehearsal dinner around 7, putting my hours without sleep at around 51, met all of the family I hadn't seen in many years and trying to make small talk while ignoring hallucinations. Finally, at around 10, I babbled something about being delirious and needing sleep and took a taxi back to the hotel where I slept like a baby.
The next day, I was well rested and the wedding was great. I was able to coherently speak to all of my relatives, and the reception was fantastic. On Sunday morning, my mother's cousin gave me a ride to the airport, and I was nearly on my way.
One thing I should mention is that I am an insulin dependent diabetic. I know I post a lot about drinking and smoking, but I know what I'm doing, don't have any problems with complications as of yet and have had great a1cs since I finished puberty.
Anyhoo, I got to the security gate and they pulled out my insulin vials. These are 10ml vials. I didn't have my prescription with me because when you see a doctor, they give you one copy which you give to the pharmacist who keeps it. They quizzed me about being diabetic and living in Korea for about twenty minutes, until finally one of them springs Anyeonghaseyo on me. I respond with "Ne,Anyeonghaseyo. Irim I mueo shimnika?" They finally believe me that I'm not going to blow up the plane with insulin and let me move on.
The flight home was a breeze. I lucked out and had Asiana for my return, reserved a window emergency exit seat and had plenty of sleep and movies to keep me sane.
At the beginning of the summer intensive session which I will cover in more detail later, my sister was married. I knew about the wedding before starting and had cleared the dates before working at wonderland. When the time for my departure drew near, I approached the supervisor and reminded her that I would be taking a friday and monday off for the wedding in July. She became very worried because that was during intensives and suggested I fly out on friday night, appear in New York on Saturday and fly back after the wedding had concluded. She had done all of the math and time conversions correctly, and I would be able to leave directly from work, land in New York, attend the wedding and fly directly back and start working the next monday, but I wasn't up for it. At some point between friday night and monday morning, I would need to sleep and shower, but this wasn't important. She suggested that it wasn't important that I was there for a lot of time since I wasn't the one getting married.
I convinced her that it was important to me, and that I needed time to see my family, so she hesitantly agreed. Nonetheless, the trip felt like the suggested one. On friday morning, my flight left at about 6am. I'm not a person who is good at going to bed early if I have an early appointment, so I figured instead of falling asleep around 2 or 3, waking up at 4 and feeling terrible, I'd just stay up and sleep on the plane. I got to the airport and checked in without any problems.
The plane I rode was a joke. You know those tiny planes you take when you're flying from a big airport to a tiny one about an hour away with no room for either you or your bags? This was one of those planes, except it was a 12 or so hour long flight. I was foolish and didn't make any special requests for my seat and was stuck in the middle between two people who hadn't bathed in several days. I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep, and I finished my book after the first three hours of the flight. I was cut off after two drinks, and they played one movie about a young troubled girl who learns about life and responsibility by training and protecting a wild horse, and the rest of the flight they played golf coverage.
Finally, after the worst flight I have ever been on, I arrived in Los Angelas for a three hour layover. This wasn't too bad. They at least had a smoking area past the security gate. I don't mind not having one past the security gate, but if all of your restaurants, book stores or any other thing to occupy you during a layover are past the security gate, this becomes a huge annoyance. I later arrived at New York at 5:00 am New York time a total of 14 hours after I had first taken off from Incheon. I took a taxi to the hotel where my family was staying and got there around 6:30 or 7:00. Since I had woken up at 7 on thursday in Seoul, and didn't sleep the night before my flight, that makes a total of around 39 hours without sleep. I went out to breakfast with my family, had to go buy some new shoes because the ones I bought in Korea were a bit small to begin with and the feet swelling that occurs after a long flight made my shoes unwearable. I tried to catch a nap, but it just wasn't happening since I was sharing a hotel room with a few other people and everyone was in and out all day. I went to the rehearsal dinner around 7, putting my hours without sleep at around 51, met all of the family I hadn't seen in many years and trying to make small talk while ignoring hallucinations. Finally, at around 10, I babbled something about being delirious and needing sleep and took a taxi back to the hotel where I slept like a baby.
The next day, I was well rested and the wedding was great. I was able to coherently speak to all of my relatives, and the reception was fantastic. On Sunday morning, my mother's cousin gave me a ride to the airport, and I was nearly on my way.
One thing I should mention is that I am an insulin dependent diabetic. I know I post a lot about drinking and smoking, but I know what I'm doing, don't have any problems with complications as of yet and have had great a1cs since I finished puberty.
Anyhoo, I got to the security gate and they pulled out my insulin vials. These are 10ml vials. I didn't have my prescription with me because when you see a doctor, they give you one copy which you give to the pharmacist who keeps it. They quizzed me about being diabetic and living in Korea for about twenty minutes, until finally one of them springs Anyeonghaseyo on me. I respond with "Ne,Anyeonghaseyo. Irim I mueo shimnika?" They finally believe me that I'm not going to blow up the plane with insulin and let me move on.
The flight home was a breeze. I lucked out and had Asiana for my return, reserved a window emergency exit seat and had plenty of sleep and movies to keep me sane.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The wedding
This was an event filled with what the yankeenom, http://yankeenom.blogspot.com , would call mongol bullshit.
One of the desk teachers was getting married. Everyone at the school, except for the Scottish teacher who all of the Koreans hated, but that's another story, were invited to the wedding.
The day before the wedding, one of the Korean teachers pulls all of the foreign teachers aside and tells us some important information. The kitchen ajuma was actually the mother of the woman who was getting married. We all say, something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't know that." They tell us not to be surprised and not say anything about it at the wedding. It will be too shameful, and we have to pretend we don't notice. Personally, I couldn't care less. I wouldn't have recognized her in the sea of permed 60 year old women in Hanboks, and I wouldn't have known that she was the mother of the bride. I also wouldn't have given a flying fuck if I did recognize her.
That night, I get a frantic call from the teacher who told us about it earlier. Apparently, she had forgotten to tell Ricky teacher who should have been told before us because she's Korean. So, when Ricky teacher tells us not to act surprised when we see the kitchen lady at the wedding, we have to act surprised so that she doesn't know we were told about it before.
The wedding went fine, and no one lost face, that I know of. I personally don't get what is so embarrassing about having your mother work at the school as a cook. At this school, half of the kids' mothers worked in massage parlors.
One of the desk teachers was getting married. Everyone at the school, except for the Scottish teacher who all of the Koreans hated, but that's another story, were invited to the wedding.
The day before the wedding, one of the Korean teachers pulls all of the foreign teachers aside and tells us some important information. The kitchen ajuma was actually the mother of the woman who was getting married. We all say, something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't know that." They tell us not to be surprised and not say anything about it at the wedding. It will be too shameful, and we have to pretend we don't notice. Personally, I couldn't care less. I wouldn't have recognized her in the sea of permed 60 year old women in Hanboks, and I wouldn't have known that she was the mother of the bride. I also wouldn't have given a flying fuck if I did recognize her.
That night, I get a frantic call from the teacher who told us about it earlier. Apparently, she had forgotten to tell Ricky teacher who should have been told before us because she's Korean. So, when Ricky teacher tells us not to act surprised when we see the kitchen lady at the wedding, we have to act surprised so that she doesn't know we were told about it before.
The wedding went fine, and no one lost face, that I know of. I personally don't get what is so embarrassing about having your mother work at the school as a cook. At this school, half of the kids' mothers worked in massage parlors.
Trips to the field
I've realized that while I have a pretty good memory of my time here, the order of events has been jumbled in my mind. So, I will be grouping events with similar themes rather than posting in entirely chronological order.
*Swimming Pool: This was a pretty good trip for the kids. It had me immensely worried, since I knew I'd be responsible for keeping ten five year olds from drowning, but we ended up at the wading pool and it wasn't a problem.
The trip started off a little oddly for me. I had to help all of the boys in two kindergarten classes get changed into their swimming suits. I know I come from a prude puritan country, but I feel really weird seeing my students naked and helping them into their bathing suits.
We go out to the swimming pool, and I kept an eye on the kids, making sure there was no splashing or any other tomfoolery going on. After a while, the director calls the kids out of the pool for lunch. Ted gets out of the pool.
Ted is a special boy. He was always very well behaved. He was very easy going. He never got into fights with the other students. He never had trouble finishing his lunch. He never wet himself. He never cried, and he never forgot to bring his stuff to school. He also never spoke a word of English or learned any of the letters of the alphabet. He would stare blankly into space during the entire lesson. He was pretty much a vegetable.
So Ted gets out of the pool. All the other kids go and grab their picnic mats and get their lunch boxes out. Ted takes off his bathing suit and stares blankly at me. I point to the other kids and try to explain that it's lunch time, not naked time. I help him back into his swimsuit and take out his lunch and picnic mat. At the end of the day, when all the kids get out to go back to the locker room, he takes off his bathing suit again. I say "screw it" and walk his naked ass over to the locker room to get his clothes.
Then, I was given a very uncomfortable job. Before the kids put on their clothes, they have to take a shower. It was my job to scrub them down with soap and a loofah. I explained to my director that I felt really uncomfortable rubbing naked five year olds and that we don't have skinship in America, so he took over the job and I just sprayed them with the shower head.
*Trip to the zoo: This was a regular trip, but my Canadian coworker and I had a bit too much to drink the night before and were not in pristine condition this morning. My 3rd year students and his 2nd year students were on the same bus. I was sitting behind one of my students, Cathy who was simply amazing. She wasn't a great speller or mathematician, but she could talk about any subject non-stop and at a rate of about 60 words per second.
She turned around to tell me about a conversation she had with another student about two members of Girl's Generation. "So, I was like, NO! She's not as beautiful. But then she was like, Yes she is. So I told her she was stupid. Then she told me I was stupid. Then we laughed...." At this point my head was throbbing, and I told her "Greedybones teacher and Canada teacher are sick today. We need some quiet time, okay?" She nodded her head and turned around.
At some point on the bus ride to the zoo, the Canadian teacher and I both fell asleep. I was woken up by Cathy screaming "Be quiet! Greedybones teacher and Canada teacher are trying to sleep!" I realized at this point that I was not the most professional of teachers.
*The horse museum: This was possibly the worst idea for a field trip ever. We spent 3 hours in a museum the size of an officetel apartment. There were old horse shoes. There were some statues of horses. There were some bowls with horses painted on them. There were some photos of horses. I did what I could to make the trip more interesting, but one can only stretch out a story about the magical goblin king and the enchanted horse shoe for so long.
*Swimming Pool: This was a pretty good trip for the kids. It had me immensely worried, since I knew I'd be responsible for keeping ten five year olds from drowning, but we ended up at the wading pool and it wasn't a problem.
The trip started off a little oddly for me. I had to help all of the boys in two kindergarten classes get changed into their swimming suits. I know I come from a prude puritan country, but I feel really weird seeing my students naked and helping them into their bathing suits.
We go out to the swimming pool, and I kept an eye on the kids, making sure there was no splashing or any other tomfoolery going on. After a while, the director calls the kids out of the pool for lunch. Ted gets out of the pool.
Ted is a special boy. He was always very well behaved. He was very easy going. He never got into fights with the other students. He never had trouble finishing his lunch. He never wet himself. He never cried, and he never forgot to bring his stuff to school. He also never spoke a word of English or learned any of the letters of the alphabet. He would stare blankly into space during the entire lesson. He was pretty much a vegetable.
So Ted gets out of the pool. All the other kids go and grab their picnic mats and get their lunch boxes out. Ted takes off his bathing suit and stares blankly at me. I point to the other kids and try to explain that it's lunch time, not naked time. I help him back into his swimsuit and take out his lunch and picnic mat. At the end of the day, when all the kids get out to go back to the locker room, he takes off his bathing suit again. I say "screw it" and walk his naked ass over to the locker room to get his clothes.
Then, I was given a very uncomfortable job. Before the kids put on their clothes, they have to take a shower. It was my job to scrub them down with soap and a loofah. I explained to my director that I felt really uncomfortable rubbing naked five year olds and that we don't have skinship in America, so he took over the job and I just sprayed them with the shower head.
*Trip to the zoo: This was a regular trip, but my Canadian coworker and I had a bit too much to drink the night before and were not in pristine condition this morning. My 3rd year students and his 2nd year students were on the same bus. I was sitting behind one of my students, Cathy who was simply amazing. She wasn't a great speller or mathematician, but she could talk about any subject non-stop and at a rate of about 60 words per second.
She turned around to tell me about a conversation she had with another student about two members of Girl's Generation. "So, I was like, NO! She's not as beautiful. But then she was like, Yes she is. So I told her she was stupid. Then she told me I was stupid. Then we laughed...." At this point my head was throbbing, and I told her "Greedybones teacher and Canada teacher are sick today. We need some quiet time, okay?" She nodded her head and turned around.
At some point on the bus ride to the zoo, the Canadian teacher and I both fell asleep. I was woken up by Cathy screaming "Be quiet! Greedybones teacher and Canada teacher are trying to sleep!" I realized at this point that I was not the most professional of teachers.
*The horse museum: This was possibly the worst idea for a field trip ever. We spent 3 hours in a museum the size of an officetel apartment. There were old horse shoes. There were some statues of horses. There were some bowls with horses painted on them. There were some photos of horses. I did what I could to make the trip more interesting, but one can only stretch out a story about the magical goblin king and the enchanted horse shoe for so long.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
A short tale I forgot about on my first day
On my first day of teaching, I had one of my kindergarten classes line up and go to the bathroom. I took them down the hall and waited as they took care of business. While standing in the hallway, I felt something narrow force its way into my anus. I jumped and turned around only to see my Canadian coworker standing behind me with a blank expression on his face. I started to ask "What the fuck is wrong with you" when I looked down and saw a grinning five year old girl with her hands clasped together and her index fingers extended. I grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her to the front desk where the vp just laughed and explained the wonderful game of shit needle.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)