While I have been mostly covering my first year in Korea and slowly working towards the present, I had an odd experience today which I feel needs to be written down before I forget it.
I've had students say and do horribly inappropriate things many times throughout my "career." Today, however, was truly bizarre. A nine year old gyopo boy asked me today if it's true that grenades are filled with "dick balls."
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Mud Festival
During my first summer in Korea, I went to the infamous mud festival with a few coworkers. I went with Gary, the savage Scott. Harriet, the Ukaninan, her boyfriend Houtan, and Ricky, my Korean co-teacher. We were foolish and went with adventure Korea and spent way too much for a bus and a hotel. As I mentioned before, I'm terrible at going to sleep before I have to wake up early for something, so I had no sleep the night before this adventure.
Early in the morning, we get on the bus near Hongdae. We were on the bus either sleeping or chatting and having a relatively good time. No one was sitting next to Gary, so he was able to nap for a good portion of the trip. A few seats behind us was an odd, dimwitted Aussie by the name of Mr. Bean. He was regaling anyone near him with tales of being fired six times in one year as well as telling horrible jokes. We stop at a rest stop, and Gary gets out to grab a bite to eat. Mr. Bean moves up to take the open seat next to Gary. Gary walks in to the bus and sees Mr. Bean and shakes his head with a look of shock and disbelief. The bus goes on its way and Mr. Bean begins telling Gary his life story. He then tells such wonderful jokes as "Did you hear about the new Cemetary? It's in the dead center of town."
We get to the festival and check into our hotel. I stay behind to try and sleep, and the rest of the group goes to some mud fight event. Mr. Bean was there, and Gary took the opportunity to shove mud inside his ear. We didn't hear from Mr. Bean after that. The rest of the day was alright. I went swimming, did a couple of mud related things and had an alright time. That evening we had some samgyeopsal and a few drinks, and I passed out at around 11.
The next morning I wake up, and Houtan comes in and says hello to me and Harriet. Harriet tells him that she doesn't want to speak to him. We were both a little confused. I went outside with Houtan and had a smoke. He asks me if he did anything last night, and I told him I passed out at and have no idea what happened.
Later I hear that he blacked out, tried to start fights with everyone at the event, punched a hole in the wall at the hotel and tried to take a taxi back to Seoul. Good times. The rest of the day was a little weird. We checked out of our hotel and had to wait a few hours for the bus. Then, a terrible thing happened. I had to shit. I wander around the town looking for a restroom. Finally, I find a public one several blocks away from the beach. I walk in and it smells terrible. There are flies and bees hovering around, and I step into a stall. It was a hole in the ground. This wouldn't be so bad, but the condition of this one was frightening. It was filled with diarrhea and water which were not just in the toilet, but all over the floor surrounding the toilet. I was wearing sandals. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant experience.
We get back on the bus and head home.
Early in the morning, we get on the bus near Hongdae. We were on the bus either sleeping or chatting and having a relatively good time. No one was sitting next to Gary, so he was able to nap for a good portion of the trip. A few seats behind us was an odd, dimwitted Aussie by the name of Mr. Bean. He was regaling anyone near him with tales of being fired six times in one year as well as telling horrible jokes. We stop at a rest stop, and Gary gets out to grab a bite to eat. Mr. Bean moves up to take the open seat next to Gary. Gary walks in to the bus and sees Mr. Bean and shakes his head with a look of shock and disbelief. The bus goes on its way and Mr. Bean begins telling Gary his life story. He then tells such wonderful jokes as "Did you hear about the new Cemetary? It's in the dead center of town."
We get to the festival and check into our hotel. I stay behind to try and sleep, and the rest of the group goes to some mud fight event. Mr. Bean was there, and Gary took the opportunity to shove mud inside his ear. We didn't hear from Mr. Bean after that. The rest of the day was alright. I went swimming, did a couple of mud related things and had an alright time. That evening we had some samgyeopsal and a few drinks, and I passed out at around 11.
The next morning I wake up, and Houtan comes in and says hello to me and Harriet. Harriet tells him that she doesn't want to speak to him. We were both a little confused. I went outside with Houtan and had a smoke. He asks me if he did anything last night, and I told him I passed out at and have no idea what happened.
Later I hear that he blacked out, tried to start fights with everyone at the event, punched a hole in the wall at the hotel and tried to take a taxi back to Seoul. Good times. The rest of the day was a little weird. We checked out of our hotel and had to wait a few hours for the bus. Then, a terrible thing happened. I had to shit. I wander around the town looking for a restroom. Finally, I find a public one several blocks away from the beach. I walk in and it smells terrible. There are flies and bees hovering around, and I step into a stall. It was a hole in the ground. This wouldn't be so bad, but the condition of this one was frightening. It was filled with diarrhea and water which were not just in the toilet, but all over the floor surrounding the toilet. I was wearing sandals. Needless to say, it was not a pleasant experience.
We get back on the bus and head home.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Wedding part 2
*Times are not accurate in this post. I don't recall the exact times of my flight and do not feel like converting everything between EST and Korean time.
At the beginning of the summer intensive session which I will cover in more detail later, my sister was married. I knew about the wedding before starting and had cleared the dates before working at wonderland. When the time for my departure drew near, I approached the supervisor and reminded her that I would be taking a friday and monday off for the wedding in July. She became very worried because that was during intensives and suggested I fly out on friday night, appear in New York on Saturday and fly back after the wedding had concluded. She had done all of the math and time conversions correctly, and I would be able to leave directly from work, land in New York, attend the wedding and fly directly back and start working the next monday, but I wasn't up for it. At some point between friday night and monday morning, I would need to sleep and shower, but this wasn't important. She suggested that it wasn't important that I was there for a lot of time since I wasn't the one getting married.
I convinced her that it was important to me, and that I needed time to see my family, so she hesitantly agreed. Nonetheless, the trip felt like the suggested one. On friday morning, my flight left at about 6am. I'm not a person who is good at going to bed early if I have an early appointment, so I figured instead of falling asleep around 2 or 3, waking up at 4 and feeling terrible, I'd just stay up and sleep on the plane. I got to the airport and checked in without any problems.
The plane I rode was a joke. You know those tiny planes you take when you're flying from a big airport to a tiny one about an hour away with no room for either you or your bags? This was one of those planes, except it was a 12 or so hour long flight. I was foolish and didn't make any special requests for my seat and was stuck in the middle between two people who hadn't bathed in several days. I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep, and I finished my book after the first three hours of the flight. I was cut off after two drinks, and they played one movie about a young troubled girl who learns about life and responsibility by training and protecting a wild horse, and the rest of the flight they played golf coverage.
Finally, after the worst flight I have ever been on, I arrived in Los Angelas for a three hour layover. This wasn't too bad. They at least had a smoking area past the security gate. I don't mind not having one past the security gate, but if all of your restaurants, book stores or any other thing to occupy you during a layover are past the security gate, this becomes a huge annoyance. I later arrived at New York at 5:00 am New York time a total of 14 hours after I had first taken off from Incheon. I took a taxi to the hotel where my family was staying and got there around 6:30 or 7:00. Since I had woken up at 7 on thursday in Seoul, and didn't sleep the night before my flight, that makes a total of around 39 hours without sleep. I went out to breakfast with my family, had to go buy some new shoes because the ones I bought in Korea were a bit small to begin with and the feet swelling that occurs after a long flight made my shoes unwearable. I tried to catch a nap, but it just wasn't happening since I was sharing a hotel room with a few other people and everyone was in and out all day. I went to the rehearsal dinner around 7, putting my hours without sleep at around 51, met all of the family I hadn't seen in many years and trying to make small talk while ignoring hallucinations. Finally, at around 10, I babbled something about being delirious and needing sleep and took a taxi back to the hotel where I slept like a baby.
The next day, I was well rested and the wedding was great. I was able to coherently speak to all of my relatives, and the reception was fantastic. On Sunday morning, my mother's cousin gave me a ride to the airport, and I was nearly on my way.
One thing I should mention is that I am an insulin dependent diabetic. I know I post a lot about drinking and smoking, but I know what I'm doing, don't have any problems with complications as of yet and have had great a1cs since I finished puberty.
Anyhoo, I got to the security gate and they pulled out my insulin vials. These are 10ml vials. I didn't have my prescription with me because when you see a doctor, they give you one copy which you give to the pharmacist who keeps it. They quizzed me about being diabetic and living in Korea for about twenty minutes, until finally one of them springs Anyeonghaseyo on me. I respond with "Ne,Anyeonghaseyo. Irim I mueo shimnika?" They finally believe me that I'm not going to blow up the plane with insulin and let me move on.
The flight home was a breeze. I lucked out and had Asiana for my return, reserved a window emergency exit seat and had plenty of sleep and movies to keep me sane.
At the beginning of the summer intensive session which I will cover in more detail later, my sister was married. I knew about the wedding before starting and had cleared the dates before working at wonderland. When the time for my departure drew near, I approached the supervisor and reminded her that I would be taking a friday and monday off for the wedding in July. She became very worried because that was during intensives and suggested I fly out on friday night, appear in New York on Saturday and fly back after the wedding had concluded. She had done all of the math and time conversions correctly, and I would be able to leave directly from work, land in New York, attend the wedding and fly directly back and start working the next monday, but I wasn't up for it. At some point between friday night and monday morning, I would need to sleep and shower, but this wasn't important. She suggested that it wasn't important that I was there for a lot of time since I wasn't the one getting married.
I convinced her that it was important to me, and that I needed time to see my family, so she hesitantly agreed. Nonetheless, the trip felt like the suggested one. On friday morning, my flight left at about 6am. I'm not a person who is good at going to bed early if I have an early appointment, so I figured instead of falling asleep around 2 or 3, waking up at 4 and feeling terrible, I'd just stay up and sleep on the plane. I got to the airport and checked in without any problems.
The plane I rode was a joke. You know those tiny planes you take when you're flying from a big airport to a tiny one about an hour away with no room for either you or your bags? This was one of those planes, except it was a 12 or so hour long flight. I was foolish and didn't make any special requests for my seat and was stuck in the middle between two people who hadn't bathed in several days. I couldn't bring myself to fall asleep, and I finished my book after the first three hours of the flight. I was cut off after two drinks, and they played one movie about a young troubled girl who learns about life and responsibility by training and protecting a wild horse, and the rest of the flight they played golf coverage.
Finally, after the worst flight I have ever been on, I arrived in Los Angelas for a three hour layover. This wasn't too bad. They at least had a smoking area past the security gate. I don't mind not having one past the security gate, but if all of your restaurants, book stores or any other thing to occupy you during a layover are past the security gate, this becomes a huge annoyance. I later arrived at New York at 5:00 am New York time a total of 14 hours after I had first taken off from Incheon. I took a taxi to the hotel where my family was staying and got there around 6:30 or 7:00. Since I had woken up at 7 on thursday in Seoul, and didn't sleep the night before my flight, that makes a total of around 39 hours without sleep. I went out to breakfast with my family, had to go buy some new shoes because the ones I bought in Korea were a bit small to begin with and the feet swelling that occurs after a long flight made my shoes unwearable. I tried to catch a nap, but it just wasn't happening since I was sharing a hotel room with a few other people and everyone was in and out all day. I went to the rehearsal dinner around 7, putting my hours without sleep at around 51, met all of the family I hadn't seen in many years and trying to make small talk while ignoring hallucinations. Finally, at around 10, I babbled something about being delirious and needing sleep and took a taxi back to the hotel where I slept like a baby.
The next day, I was well rested and the wedding was great. I was able to coherently speak to all of my relatives, and the reception was fantastic. On Sunday morning, my mother's cousin gave me a ride to the airport, and I was nearly on my way.
One thing I should mention is that I am an insulin dependent diabetic. I know I post a lot about drinking and smoking, but I know what I'm doing, don't have any problems with complications as of yet and have had great a1cs since I finished puberty.
Anyhoo, I got to the security gate and they pulled out my insulin vials. These are 10ml vials. I didn't have my prescription with me because when you see a doctor, they give you one copy which you give to the pharmacist who keeps it. They quizzed me about being diabetic and living in Korea for about twenty minutes, until finally one of them springs Anyeonghaseyo on me. I respond with "Ne,Anyeonghaseyo. Irim I mueo shimnika?" They finally believe me that I'm not going to blow up the plane with insulin and let me move on.
The flight home was a breeze. I lucked out and had Asiana for my return, reserved a window emergency exit seat and had plenty of sleep and movies to keep me sane.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
The wedding
This was an event filled with what the yankeenom, http://yankeenom.blogspot.com , would call mongol bullshit.
One of the desk teachers was getting married. Everyone at the school, except for the Scottish teacher who all of the Koreans hated, but that's another story, were invited to the wedding.
The day before the wedding, one of the Korean teachers pulls all of the foreign teachers aside and tells us some important information. The kitchen ajuma was actually the mother of the woman who was getting married. We all say, something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't know that." They tell us not to be surprised and not say anything about it at the wedding. It will be too shameful, and we have to pretend we don't notice. Personally, I couldn't care less. I wouldn't have recognized her in the sea of permed 60 year old women in Hanboks, and I wouldn't have known that she was the mother of the bride. I also wouldn't have given a flying fuck if I did recognize her.
That night, I get a frantic call from the teacher who told us about it earlier. Apparently, she had forgotten to tell Ricky teacher who should have been told before us because she's Korean. So, when Ricky teacher tells us not to act surprised when we see the kitchen lady at the wedding, we have to act surprised so that she doesn't know we were told about it before.
The wedding went fine, and no one lost face, that I know of. I personally don't get what is so embarrassing about having your mother work at the school as a cook. At this school, half of the kids' mothers worked in massage parlors.
One of the desk teachers was getting married. Everyone at the school, except for the Scottish teacher who all of the Koreans hated, but that's another story, were invited to the wedding.
The day before the wedding, one of the Korean teachers pulls all of the foreign teachers aside and tells us some important information. The kitchen ajuma was actually the mother of the woman who was getting married. We all say, something along the lines of "Oh, I didn't know that." They tell us not to be surprised and not say anything about it at the wedding. It will be too shameful, and we have to pretend we don't notice. Personally, I couldn't care less. I wouldn't have recognized her in the sea of permed 60 year old women in Hanboks, and I wouldn't have known that she was the mother of the bride. I also wouldn't have given a flying fuck if I did recognize her.
That night, I get a frantic call from the teacher who told us about it earlier. Apparently, she had forgotten to tell Ricky teacher who should have been told before us because she's Korean. So, when Ricky teacher tells us not to act surprised when we see the kitchen lady at the wedding, we have to act surprised so that she doesn't know we were told about it before.
The wedding went fine, and no one lost face, that I know of. I personally don't get what is so embarrassing about having your mother work at the school as a cook. At this school, half of the kids' mothers worked in massage parlors.
Trips to the field
I've realized that while I have a pretty good memory of my time here, the order of events has been jumbled in my mind. So, I will be grouping events with similar themes rather than posting in entirely chronological order.
*Swimming Pool: This was a pretty good trip for the kids. It had me immensely worried, since I knew I'd be responsible for keeping ten five year olds from drowning, but we ended up at the wading pool and it wasn't a problem.
The trip started off a little oddly for me. I had to help all of the boys in two kindergarten classes get changed into their swimming suits. I know I come from a prude puritan country, but I feel really weird seeing my students naked and helping them into their bathing suits.
We go out to the swimming pool, and I kept an eye on the kids, making sure there was no splashing or any other tomfoolery going on. After a while, the director calls the kids out of the pool for lunch. Ted gets out of the pool.
Ted is a special boy. He was always very well behaved. He was very easy going. He never got into fights with the other students. He never had trouble finishing his lunch. He never wet himself. He never cried, and he never forgot to bring his stuff to school. He also never spoke a word of English or learned any of the letters of the alphabet. He would stare blankly into space during the entire lesson. He was pretty much a vegetable.
So Ted gets out of the pool. All the other kids go and grab their picnic mats and get their lunch boxes out. Ted takes off his bathing suit and stares blankly at me. I point to the other kids and try to explain that it's lunch time, not naked time. I help him back into his swimsuit and take out his lunch and picnic mat. At the end of the day, when all the kids get out to go back to the locker room, he takes off his bathing suit again. I say "screw it" and walk his naked ass over to the locker room to get his clothes.
Then, I was given a very uncomfortable job. Before the kids put on their clothes, they have to take a shower. It was my job to scrub them down with soap and a loofah. I explained to my director that I felt really uncomfortable rubbing naked five year olds and that we don't have skinship in America, so he took over the job and I just sprayed them with the shower head.
*Trip to the zoo: This was a regular trip, but my Canadian coworker and I had a bit too much to drink the night before and were not in pristine condition this morning. My 3rd year students and his 2nd year students were on the same bus. I was sitting behind one of my students, Cathy who was simply amazing. She wasn't a great speller or mathematician, but she could talk about any subject non-stop and at a rate of about 60 words per second.
She turned around to tell me about a conversation she had with another student about two members of Girl's Generation. "So, I was like, NO! She's not as beautiful. But then she was like, Yes she is. So I told her she was stupid. Then she told me I was stupid. Then we laughed...." At this point my head was throbbing, and I told her "Greedybones teacher and Canada teacher are sick today. We need some quiet time, okay?" She nodded her head and turned around.
At some point on the bus ride to the zoo, the Canadian teacher and I both fell asleep. I was woken up by Cathy screaming "Be quiet! Greedybones teacher and Canada teacher are trying to sleep!" I realized at this point that I was not the most professional of teachers.
*The horse museum: This was possibly the worst idea for a field trip ever. We spent 3 hours in a museum the size of an officetel apartment. There were old horse shoes. There were some statues of horses. There were some bowls with horses painted on them. There were some photos of horses. I did what I could to make the trip more interesting, but one can only stretch out a story about the magical goblin king and the enchanted horse shoe for so long.
*Swimming Pool: This was a pretty good trip for the kids. It had me immensely worried, since I knew I'd be responsible for keeping ten five year olds from drowning, but we ended up at the wading pool and it wasn't a problem.
The trip started off a little oddly for me. I had to help all of the boys in two kindergarten classes get changed into their swimming suits. I know I come from a prude puritan country, but I feel really weird seeing my students naked and helping them into their bathing suits.
We go out to the swimming pool, and I kept an eye on the kids, making sure there was no splashing or any other tomfoolery going on. After a while, the director calls the kids out of the pool for lunch. Ted gets out of the pool.
Ted is a special boy. He was always very well behaved. He was very easy going. He never got into fights with the other students. He never had trouble finishing his lunch. He never wet himself. He never cried, and he never forgot to bring his stuff to school. He also never spoke a word of English or learned any of the letters of the alphabet. He would stare blankly into space during the entire lesson. He was pretty much a vegetable.
So Ted gets out of the pool. All the other kids go and grab their picnic mats and get their lunch boxes out. Ted takes off his bathing suit and stares blankly at me. I point to the other kids and try to explain that it's lunch time, not naked time. I help him back into his swimsuit and take out his lunch and picnic mat. At the end of the day, when all the kids get out to go back to the locker room, he takes off his bathing suit again. I say "screw it" and walk his naked ass over to the locker room to get his clothes.
Then, I was given a very uncomfortable job. Before the kids put on their clothes, they have to take a shower. It was my job to scrub them down with soap and a loofah. I explained to my director that I felt really uncomfortable rubbing naked five year olds and that we don't have skinship in America, so he took over the job and I just sprayed them with the shower head.
*Trip to the zoo: This was a regular trip, but my Canadian coworker and I had a bit too much to drink the night before and were not in pristine condition this morning. My 3rd year students and his 2nd year students were on the same bus. I was sitting behind one of my students, Cathy who was simply amazing. She wasn't a great speller or mathematician, but she could talk about any subject non-stop and at a rate of about 60 words per second.
She turned around to tell me about a conversation she had with another student about two members of Girl's Generation. "So, I was like, NO! She's not as beautiful. But then she was like, Yes she is. So I told her she was stupid. Then she told me I was stupid. Then we laughed...." At this point my head was throbbing, and I told her "Greedybones teacher and Canada teacher are sick today. We need some quiet time, okay?" She nodded her head and turned around.
At some point on the bus ride to the zoo, the Canadian teacher and I both fell asleep. I was woken up by Cathy screaming "Be quiet! Greedybones teacher and Canada teacher are trying to sleep!" I realized at this point that I was not the most professional of teachers.
*The horse museum: This was possibly the worst idea for a field trip ever. We spent 3 hours in a museum the size of an officetel apartment. There were old horse shoes. There were some statues of horses. There were some bowls with horses painted on them. There were some photos of horses. I did what I could to make the trip more interesting, but one can only stretch out a story about the magical goblin king and the enchanted horse shoe for so long.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
A short tale I forgot about on my first day
On my first day of teaching, I had one of my kindergarten classes line up and go to the bathroom. I took them down the hall and waited as they took care of business. While standing in the hallway, I felt something narrow force its way into my anus. I jumped and turned around only to see my Canadian coworker standing behind me with a blank expression on his face. I started to ask "What the fuck is wrong with you" when I looked down and saw a grinning five year old girl with her hands clasped together and her index fingers extended. I grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her to the front desk where the vp just laughed and explained the wonderful game of shit needle.
A neo-luddite is born
I don't know how everyone else has managed to set links so conveniently on the side of their blogs, but these "gadgets" make no sense to me. For now, I can only add one link at a time on the top of the page. One day, I'll figure it out, but for now, you'll all have to take turns.
The First Few Months
After the first week, I got into the swing of things. For my kindergarten classes I had set out a set of goals and expectations. I started to get to know the students and how to handle the trouble makers. The elementary classes were pretty easy. Although I didn't know much, I did read that it's much better to start out as a hardass and then be a bit more easy going than to do the reverse. There were two Korean teachers who hung out with the foreign teachers at this school. One was Ricky, a lovely lady who was very helpful in setting up cell phones for us, and the other was Choi, an odd fellow who really wanted friends.
After a few weeks of teaching Kindergarten and wiping all of the students noses, because they would just sneeze or let their faces become covered in snot without noticing, or come to school when they were sick and immediately removed their masks once they were in close proximity to other people, I came down with a terrible flu. I first started feeling it on a thursday which was a field trip. I went to the pharmacy and acted out my symptoms, and they sold me some medicine which complimented my fever nicely. I went to the LG science hall, and was half gone. I was about as amazed by the cartoons as the 5 year olds were. The next day I was hacking up my lungs, felt nauseous and could hardly breathe. I called my director and told him I was sick. He said I should see a doctor, but I said I just need some rest, and I'll be fine by monday. He calls about an hour later and asks me to come in just for the second half of the day. I hesitantly agree.
The second half of the day consisted of me only miming and writing because I could no longer speak. The weekend was spent sleeping. On monday, I feel even worse than I did on friday, so I call the director again and say, I should probably see a doctor and I can't teach that day. He picks me up and takes me to the doctor, crashing into a claw machine on the way. The doctor gives me some random pills and drinks, and I have to teach the second half of the day again. My Scottish coworker sees me coming up the stairs gasping for air and stumbling into the teachers room. He talks to the supervisor and tells her that I need two days off and that he'll cover any classes that he can. I get the two days off and watch the entire series of Farscape.
I lie in bed deleriously watching Farscape, which I still love to this day. At one point, some technician comes into my apartment and checks the gas. I don't really care because I have a fever of about 104/40. The medicine and the two days did the trick, and I was fully functional by thursday.
On thursday I come in, and the evil kindergarten class from my last post is thrilled. They were all worried about me and were so happy that I was better. I was pulled into the director's office though and given a warning. I am so unhealthy. I need to eat more kimchi and keep better care of myself. I explain that I don't have any immunity to all of the illnesses I've been exposed to since I've arrived and that I should be ok from here on out. I love kimchi, and I always drink lots of orange juice. They take this well, and everything is back to normal.
After a few weeks of teaching Kindergarten and wiping all of the students noses, because they would just sneeze or let their faces become covered in snot without noticing, or come to school when they were sick and immediately removed their masks once they were in close proximity to other people, I came down with a terrible flu. I first started feeling it on a thursday which was a field trip. I went to the pharmacy and acted out my symptoms, and they sold me some medicine which complimented my fever nicely. I went to the LG science hall, and was half gone. I was about as amazed by the cartoons as the 5 year olds were. The next day I was hacking up my lungs, felt nauseous and could hardly breathe. I called my director and told him I was sick. He said I should see a doctor, but I said I just need some rest, and I'll be fine by monday. He calls about an hour later and asks me to come in just for the second half of the day. I hesitantly agree.
The second half of the day consisted of me only miming and writing because I could no longer speak. The weekend was spent sleeping. On monday, I feel even worse than I did on friday, so I call the director again and say, I should probably see a doctor and I can't teach that day. He picks me up and takes me to the doctor, crashing into a claw machine on the way. The doctor gives me some random pills and drinks, and I have to teach the second half of the day again. My Scottish coworker sees me coming up the stairs gasping for air and stumbling into the teachers room. He talks to the supervisor and tells her that I need two days off and that he'll cover any classes that he can. I get the two days off and watch the entire series of Farscape.
I lie in bed deleriously watching Farscape, which I still love to this day. At one point, some technician comes into my apartment and checks the gas. I don't really care because I have a fever of about 104/40. The medicine and the two days did the trick, and I was fully functional by thursday.
On thursday I come in, and the evil kindergarten class from my last post is thrilled. They were all worried about me and were so happy that I was better. I was pulled into the director's office though and given a warning. I am so unhealthy. I need to eat more kimchi and keep better care of myself. I explain that I don't have any immunity to all of the illnesses I've been exposed to since I've arrived and that I should be ok from here on out. I love kimchi, and I always drink lots of orange juice. They take this well, and everything is back to normal.
Teaching, Day 1.
Before I go further, I would like to point out that I am one of those idiots who did almost no research before coming over here. I knew a couple of people who taught ESL in the states, and they had students who knew a bit of English and worked on their pronunciation and taught them idioms. I assumed this would be my situation.
I arrived a bit early. The school was closed. The first classes begin at 9:50, and I was there at around 8:30, so that I could spend some time familiarizing myself with the new set of materials. Unfortunately, no one came until 9:30, and I had a twenty minute rundown of what I was to teach. The first week for kindergarten was welcoming week. We had one song to go over, and the rest of the time was for getting to know one another.
The first class comes, and it was all 5 or 6 year olds(Korean age). This was hippo class. I introduce myself and ask their names. I then realize that none of them speak any English. A little while later, one of my co-teachers came in and assigned them English names. I then spent the rest of the 70 minute class teaching them animals and basic greetings. We also did the hello song.
The next class was a breeze, because they were third year kindergartners. They spoke great English and loved to talk about themselves. The third class was a nightmare. These were first year 6-7 year olds(korean age). Before I started teaching them, I had to give them lunch and eat with them. Some of them ate everything, some of them thew the food around the classroom, and some of them just sat and stared at their food. Then the class began.
A couple of the students just pointed and laughed at me. A few sat and wanted to listen. One girl thought it was hilarious to run to the front of the class, grab a spare marker and draw hearts and poop on the board. After I put all the markers in my pocket, she would run to the front and try to rip the marker I was using out of my hand. At this point, I started raising my voice. Everyone erupted into laughter. I wanted this girl to stand out in the hall, but she thought it was a game and started running around the desks. I managed to pin her and drag her out into the hall. When I came back, all of the kids were running across the tops of the desks. Finally the bell rang, and I could go on to perform my bus duties. I told them all with wild hand gestures that they needed to get their coats and backpacks and line up for the bus.
I finally got my much needed break of twenty minutes. I met the Scottish teacher and had a smoke with him out on the street after the buses left. While we were getting to know each other, I witnessed my first adjeoshi brawl. A few buildings down, two drunk old Korean men were having a disagreement over God knows what. They started pushing and slapping until their friends broke it up. We went back in, and I sorted out my books for the second half of my day.
My first elementary class was also a nightmare. These students were all first or second grade and spoke absolutely no English except for what they had learned on various Gag shows. I handed out their books and told them/mimed open to page 1. Some chubby smartass responded, "No! Puck You!" I said, "Excuse me? Open to page 1." He kept on repeating the three English words he knew, and I told him to leave. He refused, so I had to carry his bulky ass and chair out the door.
The other two classes that day went swimmingly, and I passed out quite early that night.
I arrived a bit early. The school was closed. The first classes begin at 9:50, and I was there at around 8:30, so that I could spend some time familiarizing myself with the new set of materials. Unfortunately, no one came until 9:30, and I had a twenty minute rundown of what I was to teach. The first week for kindergarten was welcoming week. We had one song to go over, and the rest of the time was for getting to know one another.
The first class comes, and it was all 5 or 6 year olds(Korean age). This was hippo class. I introduce myself and ask their names. I then realize that none of them speak any English. A little while later, one of my co-teachers came in and assigned them English names. I then spent the rest of the 70 minute class teaching them animals and basic greetings. We also did the hello song.
The next class was a breeze, because they were third year kindergartners. They spoke great English and loved to talk about themselves. The third class was a nightmare. These were first year 6-7 year olds(korean age). Before I started teaching them, I had to give them lunch and eat with them. Some of them ate everything, some of them thew the food around the classroom, and some of them just sat and stared at their food. Then the class began.
A couple of the students just pointed and laughed at me. A few sat and wanted to listen. One girl thought it was hilarious to run to the front of the class, grab a spare marker and draw hearts and poop on the board. After I put all the markers in my pocket, she would run to the front and try to rip the marker I was using out of my hand. At this point, I started raising my voice. Everyone erupted into laughter. I wanted this girl to stand out in the hall, but she thought it was a game and started running around the desks. I managed to pin her and drag her out into the hall. When I came back, all of the kids were running across the tops of the desks. Finally the bell rang, and I could go on to perform my bus duties. I told them all with wild hand gestures that they needed to get their coats and backpacks and line up for the bus.
I finally got my much needed break of twenty minutes. I met the Scottish teacher and had a smoke with him out on the street after the buses left. While we were getting to know each other, I witnessed my first adjeoshi brawl. A few buildings down, two drunk old Korean men were having a disagreement over God knows what. They started pushing and slapping until their friends broke it up. We went back in, and I sorted out my books for the second half of my day.
My first elementary class was also a nightmare. These students were all first or second grade and spoke absolutely no English except for what they had learned on various Gag shows. I handed out their books and told them/mimed open to page 1. Some chubby smartass responded, "No! Puck You!" I said, "Excuse me? Open to page 1." He kept on repeating the three English words he knew, and I told him to leave. He refused, so I had to carry his bulky ass and chair out the door.
The other two classes that day went swimmingly, and I passed out quite early that night.
My first days here
I had a very pleasant flight to Korea. It was long, but it was comfortable. I rode on Asiana, which is far superior to Korean Air. I had a nice large seat with plenty of leg room. I don't actually need that much leg room, since I'm a meager 5'5" or 165cm, but it was nice nonetheless. I had a personal tv screen, so I watched some crappy movies, the gps and a few bizarre television shows. I also spent some time practicing some Korean phrases and memorizing 1-10.
I arrived at the airport and was looking for someone holding up a sign with my name on it. I couldn't see my name anywhere, so I waited around the departure gate for a while to no avail. Fortunately, I had the number of the recruiter and some change, so I went to the nearest payphone. I could only find payphones that required a KT card, so I started to get a little worried. Fortunately, a kind man in a business suit came over and offered the use of his cell phone. He called the recruiter, and I found out that the recruiter was waiting for me at the gate on the other end of the airport. Then, the man with the cell phone requested to be reimbursed for the use of his phone, and I said "ok... how much did that call cost?" He told me it was a few thousand won. I shrugged and opened my wallet to dig out 3,000 won which I knew was a bit exorbitant. He reached in and took out a 10,000 won bill(oddly enough this was the only time I have ever been ripped off by a stranger in Korea).
I met my recruiter and the other teacher who had come in around the same time, and the recruiter drove us into Seoul. The other teacher and I were dropped off in front of a hotel where our Wanjangnim picked us up. It was about 9pm and I thought we would go straight to our homes, but the boss had other ideas in mind. He took us to Lotte Mart for groceries. He explained that although we were both probably pretty tired, he wanted to keep us up for a while so that we didn't have terrible jet lag. We went and bought groceries, had some dinner, and finally he showed us our apartments. They were a bit small, but pretty clean and fully furnished.
The next day, we went in for training. The first couple of hours were focused on kindergarten, which I didn't pay much attention to since I was teaching the afternoon/evening elementary shift. Then the elementary supervisor started. She was insane, although now I'm good friends with her. She goes on a tirade about how a lot of students left, and that we have to "teach sincerely." "Sincerely practice. Sincerely listen. Sincerely focus on the students." In a three hour long training session, she mentioned the syllabus and books once but managed to include the term sincerely in every sentence. After the training, I went home and called my friend who had arrived a couple of weeks earlier. A couple of teachers at wonderland and I went to the subway station to meet him and got properly trashed. I figured, I'll start at 2, so I can stay out until 3 or so. I came home at 4, and there was a note on my door. One of the kindergarten teachers didn't come and called at the lat minute to cancel, so I had to teach kindergarten because the replacement could only teach for one month, and they wanted the kindergarten teacher to teach for the whole year.
So, five hours later, I'm back at the school ready to start my first day with a syllabus and books I haven't seen up to this point.
I arrived at the airport and was looking for someone holding up a sign with my name on it. I couldn't see my name anywhere, so I waited around the departure gate for a while to no avail. Fortunately, I had the number of the recruiter and some change, so I went to the nearest payphone. I could only find payphones that required a KT card, so I started to get a little worried. Fortunately, a kind man in a business suit came over and offered the use of his cell phone. He called the recruiter, and I found out that the recruiter was waiting for me at the gate on the other end of the airport. Then, the man with the cell phone requested to be reimbursed for the use of his phone, and I said "ok... how much did that call cost?" He told me it was a few thousand won. I shrugged and opened my wallet to dig out 3,000 won which I knew was a bit exorbitant. He reached in and took out a 10,000 won bill(oddly enough this was the only time I have ever been ripped off by a stranger in Korea).
I met my recruiter and the other teacher who had come in around the same time, and the recruiter drove us into Seoul. The other teacher and I were dropped off in front of a hotel where our Wanjangnim picked us up. It was about 9pm and I thought we would go straight to our homes, but the boss had other ideas in mind. He took us to Lotte Mart for groceries. He explained that although we were both probably pretty tired, he wanted to keep us up for a while so that we didn't have terrible jet lag. We went and bought groceries, had some dinner, and finally he showed us our apartments. They were a bit small, but pretty clean and fully furnished.
The next day, we went in for training. The first couple of hours were focused on kindergarten, which I didn't pay much attention to since I was teaching the afternoon/evening elementary shift. Then the elementary supervisor started. She was insane, although now I'm good friends with her. She goes on a tirade about how a lot of students left, and that we have to "teach sincerely." "Sincerely practice. Sincerely listen. Sincerely focus on the students." In a three hour long training session, she mentioned the syllabus and books once but managed to include the term sincerely in every sentence. After the training, I went home and called my friend who had arrived a couple of weeks earlier. A couple of teachers at wonderland and I went to the subway station to meet him and got properly trashed. I figured, I'll start at 2, so I can stay out until 3 or so. I came home at 4, and there was a note on my door. One of the kindergarten teachers didn't come and called at the lat minute to cancel, so I had to teach kindergarten because the replacement could only teach for one month, and they wanted the kindergarten teacher to teach for the whole year.
So, five hours later, I'm back at the school ready to start my first day with a syllabus and books I haven't seen up to this point.
A couple of notes before I begin my tale
There are a few things I should mention before I start this blog. From the outset, this blog seems a bit pretentious. That is because I am a fairly pretentious person. You may notice my profile with authors like Dostoevsky and the title of my blog. You may notice that my favorite movies aren't movies like Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I admit, I like some snobby things. But I assure you, as I write this blog, behind my monitor, there is an old shirt which I've taped to my window in lieu of a curtain. I'm also wearing pajama bottoms which are half pink. They are pink, because one night while drunkenly peeing, my thumb slipped, and my pajamas snapped back up and became soaked in urine. Rather than washing them, I went for the hasty solution of pouring half a bottle of bleach on them. Anyways, in my posts, I will try to curtail my pretenses.
I should mention also that I do love Korea. It has been a great, although at times frustrating experience. As many before me have said, the miserable aspects of life in Korea are much more interesting than the pleasant ones. I am often pissed off by things that happen to me or I read in the news here, but I find I can remedy this by reading or watching news from my home in America.
And finally, here is the current plan of the blog. I will work up through many posts, my last few years in Korea. If something truly interesting happens, I'll post about it. At some point, I may post some interesting anecdotes about my years in University, but that will come when it comes.
Anyhoo, while my tales are not quite as amusing as those of the proprietor of and Idiot's Tale, I hope to entertain at least a couple of people.
I should mention also that I do love Korea. It has been a great, although at times frustrating experience. As many before me have said, the miserable aspects of life in Korea are much more interesting than the pleasant ones. I am often pissed off by things that happen to me or I read in the news here, but I find I can remedy this by reading or watching news from my home in America.
And finally, here is the current plan of the blog. I will work up through many posts, my last few years in Korea. If something truly interesting happens, I'll post about it. At some point, I may post some interesting anecdotes about my years in University, but that will come when it comes.
Anyhoo, while my tales are not quite as amusing as those of the proprietor of and Idiot's Tale, I hope to entertain at least a couple of people.
How I came to Korea and later blogspot
It's been a while since I've participated in blogging. I once had a blog over on livejournal, but all of my buddies stopped updating their blogs, and I lost interest as well. I've decided though, that after several years in this strange land, that I have quite a few stories to tell. Many of these stories have been posted over on eslcafe, but though the site is occasionally useful for bits of information and job postings, it has its definite shortcomings.
So, I'll start this off with a rather mundane entry on how I came to Korea. Later posts will follow which include my tales of adventure.
The year was 2005. I had just graduated with a bachelor's degree in Science. No major. My university didn't trifle with such trivial things. I studied mostly ecology and evolutionary biology, but I also took a few film and film studies courses. I had been flat broke throughout most of my time in college, so I moved back in with my mom and got a fantastic job in customer support for a crappy cell/mobile/hand phone service provider. After several months, I tired of working with morons, talking to morons, making terrible money and living in my mom's house. Not all of the people I worked with were morons, but most were, and the rest were just really depressing.
So, I decided to find a real job. I had a college degree, and there were some postings at the department of ecology, the department of fish and wildlife and the state parks department. I had experience interning for a national park, but the application process is insane, you have to apply federally, and there were thousands of other applicants. I had no replies after a couple of weeks, until finally I got a reply from the state parks department. During this time, a long time friend of mine who was in a similar situation had applied for a teaching job in South Korea. He had become fascinated with the place after watching a bunch of Korean romantic comedies and decided to teach English over here after seeing "Please Teach Me English".
While I was waiting for my criminal check to come back so I could send it to the parks department, I went on a road trip with this friend. While on the road, he was called about five or six times every day by a recruiter who wanted him to send him some documents so he could fly over. I was pretty surprised that people were actually coming after him instead of the other way around. So, I asked him about the situation in Korea and pondered the idea throughout the rest of the trip.
When I came back home, I had received my CRC and then checked the job posting for the parks department again. They were offering $2200 per month, required an interview, a physical, a fitness test, a psychological test, a waiting period of up to three months for placement, no housing, a requirement for a personal vehicle and the park was located in the middle of nowhere. I then checked out some ESL job descriptions and decided to take the latter. My only teaching experience was tutoring a fourth grader in math when I was in high school, but I had plenty of public speaking experience. I hadn't been to any countries outside of the US except for Canada, and Canada is not exactly an exotic land.
So, I contacted a recruiter, got a passport and hopped on a plane with $1,000 in my pocket to start my year as a teacher in Wonderland in Seoul.(I'd mention the specific location, but I'd like to keep myself somewhat anonymous)
So, I'll start this off with a rather mundane entry on how I came to Korea. Later posts will follow which include my tales of adventure.
The year was 2005. I had just graduated with a bachelor's degree in Science. No major. My university didn't trifle with such trivial things. I studied mostly ecology and evolutionary biology, but I also took a few film and film studies courses. I had been flat broke throughout most of my time in college, so I moved back in with my mom and got a fantastic job in customer support for a crappy cell/mobile/hand phone service provider. After several months, I tired of working with morons, talking to morons, making terrible money and living in my mom's house. Not all of the people I worked with were morons, but most were, and the rest were just really depressing.
So, I decided to find a real job. I had a college degree, and there were some postings at the department of ecology, the department of fish and wildlife and the state parks department. I had experience interning for a national park, but the application process is insane, you have to apply federally, and there were thousands of other applicants. I had no replies after a couple of weeks, until finally I got a reply from the state parks department. During this time, a long time friend of mine who was in a similar situation had applied for a teaching job in South Korea. He had become fascinated with the place after watching a bunch of Korean romantic comedies and decided to teach English over here after seeing "Please Teach Me English".
While I was waiting for my criminal check to come back so I could send it to the parks department, I went on a road trip with this friend. While on the road, he was called about five or six times every day by a recruiter who wanted him to send him some documents so he could fly over. I was pretty surprised that people were actually coming after him instead of the other way around. So, I asked him about the situation in Korea and pondered the idea throughout the rest of the trip.
When I came back home, I had received my CRC and then checked the job posting for the parks department again. They were offering $2200 per month, required an interview, a physical, a fitness test, a psychological test, a waiting period of up to three months for placement, no housing, a requirement for a personal vehicle and the park was located in the middle of nowhere. I then checked out some ESL job descriptions and decided to take the latter. My only teaching experience was tutoring a fourth grader in math when I was in high school, but I had plenty of public speaking experience. I hadn't been to any countries outside of the US except for Canada, and Canada is not exactly an exotic land.
So, I contacted a recruiter, got a passport and hopped on a plane with $1,000 in my pocket to start my year as a teacher in Wonderland in Seoul.(I'd mention the specific location, but I'd like to keep myself somewhat anonymous)
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