The Christmas Party.

Gary, the scottsman, returned to Korea shortly after he left. He found a new job and an apartment. I was informed that he was holding a Christmas party. The party had an odd twist, however. There was to be an adult themed white elephant.

Before I continue this tale, I should mention Gary had a girlfriend. I may have mentioned this earlier, but stay with me. His girlfriend was an idiot. She was the type who comes to Korea with leftist views from America and then freaks the fuck out when she visits a country with a different culture and language. She expected all Koreans to speak English fluently and abide by the same social standards she was accustomed to. There are many examples of this, but I'll provide you with a single one.

I was sharing a cab with gary and his "lady" friend one afternoon. It was a long cab ride, so Gary requested the radio. the cabbie turned on the radio, but it was a news channel. Gary's girlfriend wanted music. She got the driver's attention and started shouting "music! music!" He didn't understand, so she spent 10 minutes shouting "musica!!, musica!!" When she gave up, she said "Fucking idiot."

Anyways, there was a party. I went to the party and invited a good friend of mine. It was pretty fun. Gary had made a turkey along with many other great side dishes. Then the erotic gift exchange began. I was trying to conserve my funds before this event and as a result, instead of buying any fancy vibrators or odd sex toys, I brought over an open bag of cucumbers with one remaining. I had eaten one with a sandwich, but there was one left in the package, so I wrapped it and brought it to the party.

Many erotic gifts were exchanged. Then Gary's lady friend chose my gift. Everyone was speculating about the contents of the package. One guest was sure it was a G-spot vibrator. She opened it and was unpleasantly surprised.

The rest of the evening she scowled at me until the end of the party. She tried to guilt trip me about how much she spent on her white elephant gift. I said, "sorry, I just bought a round trip ticket to Thailand, so I can't waist a ton of money on a gift for a random stranger." She threw the cucumber at me and skulked off.

The next day, I had another delicious sandwich with fresh cucumber slices.